Sunday Musings 121922

Hello Friends! Happy Monday! I’m sorry for being delayed, I lost track of time yesterday. I cannot believe it’s the week of Christmas – how did this happen?

We’re traveling over the holiday break to visit my family. Traveling always makes me nervous and the pending snow storm isn’t easing my fears. I always worry the plane will go down or whatever tragedy looms and my cat will be left thinking I abandoned her.

In 1996, my uncle passed away unexpectedly. I was 11 at the time and overheard his girlfriend tell relatives that in her faith people know when they’re going to die and start asking questions. Apparently my uncle did that 2 weeks before he died.

The notion that someone knows was very scary for an 11 year old and has continued to have an impact on my adult life. Even in writing this, I’m terrified that it is solidifying my destiny. Someone will read this and think, “oh god, she knew.”

My palms are sweating with the notion. I don’t think I’m going to die – I’m terrified. I’m just not ready. Maybe everyone has these fears and everyone is afraid of speaking that fear into the universe. Maybe I’m the only one?

I think it’s important to share the fear and allow it to escape it. Logically – I know we’ll be fine and if we’re not, then I will be dead and it’s someone else’s problem. Not a beautiful or kind thing to think – but true regardless.

Keanu Reeves was asked, “what do you think happens when you die?” And his response was that “there are people who will miss you.” And I think that’s enough.

Perhaps not everyone will miss me, but some people will. And that’s enough. For now, all I can do is hope for good weather and safe travel.

I’m sorry to get to dark and philosophical. I think I just needed to put the fear out there so I can embrace it and be less afraid.

Thanks for listening!

Xo love kim


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