Getting engaged is wild. The thing you’ve been dreaming about since you were little has just happened. It’s amazing and incredible.
Ride that high for as long as possible.
This is not intended to ruin anyone’s engagement, I’m not trying to be a prophesier of doom, or the bearer or bad news. On the contrary, I’m here to share my experiences so you can be prepared.
Friends & Family
The moment you decide to share your news with friends and family, it no longer becomes your private experience. Keep it close for as long as you can, be selfish and enjoy the spoils.
I made phone calls and published the news on my social media. I was flooded with excitement and congratulations. Then, something happened. People that I haven’t talked to in years, acquaintances, all came out of the woodwork.
Getting engaged is like winning the lottery. People come from all areas of your life looking for an invitation to your wedding.
It’s the weirdest phenomenon. I totally understand people wanting to celebrate, but there’s some underlying feeling that it’s more about the open bar and cake then it is your love.
Pro Tip: Keep the details vague and stay true to your guest list. Just because your Aunt Susan’s best friend’s daughter once babysat you – doesn’t mean you need a send an invitation. The same goes for friends and family that invited you to their wedding. This isn’t a Pokémon/wedding invitation trading event.
Excitement
There were less than 5 people who cared to see my ring or even cared that we were getting married. I think TV and the Internet have lied to me, because I was under the impression that people would be overly zealous, and I would be forced to wear “future Mrs.” shirts every day.
People are busy with their own lives and a majority just want the high-level information. I’ve found that people didn’t react the way I expected them to on the engagement. It felt like old news 5 minutes after the ring was on my finger.
Along with this sentiment, you will never meet the expectations of others on your excitement. You will rather be too eager or not excited enough.
Pro Tip: Listen to T Swift’s “Shake It Off“ and move on. You will feel 1000 + different emotions and it’s normal. You will be excited and scared and weird things that you’re not sure how to identify. It’s okay and you’re acting appropriately.
Let Them Talk
Overall, I do truly believe that most people want the best for you. With that being said – people will talk. It’s in our nature. There is a thrill of gossip and the sad truth that a lot of people are very sad and raining on your parade will temporarily inflate them.
Here’s a list of things that people will have an opinion on – rather good or bad:
- Your dress
- The wedding theme, venue
- Food
- Dessert choice
- Ceremony (too religious, not religious enough)
- Cocktails
- Music
- Vows
- Guest list
The list goes on. In our case, which you can read about during our controversial wedding plans here, the “biggest point of contention” (someone literally said that to me about our wedding) was the mystery and lack of details. Our very small wedding needed to stay small (22 people), and we had to draw the line somewhere. This has led to a lot of concern and a feeling that I needed to justify my choice constantly.
Pro Tip: You don’t need to justify anything to anyone unless you’re trying to convince yourself.
I felt like I had been clear about our plans, but I was wrong. The part that was upsetting and frustrating- was the no one would come to us to ask. Instead, they would talk to anyone and everyone else. I know that there is fear surrounded uncomfortable conversations you may be facing – that’s why I’ve made this helpful post. You can get tips here.
It may be petty of me, but I still haven’t confronted anyone about this.
Pro Tip: I’ve found that people would rather speculate than know the truth. Don’t dignify poor behavior with a response. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Overall
Getting engaged is a roller coaster. I would change it for the world – but I’ll be glad when it’s over.
Xo love Kim
