This is an incredibly honest and difficult post to write, and may be quasi scattered. It also may contain triggers for some readers. It may not be suitable for readers of all ages.
When I was younger, I would hear stories of domestic violence survivors and while I sympathized…. I would scoff, because that would never happen to me. I was stronger, had a good head on my shoulders… I would never let that happen.
I am someone who gives multiple chances, I forgive… When I care for someone, I care unconditionally. Some people may consider that to be weak and some people take advantage.
It started emotionally. The comments that would tear down my sense of self, slowly overtime. Comments about my intelligence, my appearance, my weight, my habits, my family, my cleaning, my humor, my spending, my life. The ” you know, I could do better than you” comments that I believed. I was suddenly indebted to this person for gracing me, me… unworthy me with their presence.
One boyfriend hid my glasses as punishment. He would talk about how pretty my friends were… and he shoved me. The next boyfriend, following suit, escalated to shoving me to the ground and kicking me. He choked me. I apologized. There was forced relations. There were accusations.
I was so embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone. I’m not sure what broke the control on either case… I think my mom broke me. I broke down confessing everything – and both times, moved back with her and my dad. I am forever grateful for that.
When some people found out, it was a strange bag of reactions: “why didn’t you tell me?” I was ashamed. “Don’t talk about it – people will then think it’s okay for them to treat you like that.” Wait -what? “I can’t believe you left him… you’re a whore.” Thank you, next. “You’re a liar.”
I lost friends and family over this. I was victim shamed. I was silenced.
So – why share now? Because this is part of the healing process. I blamed myself for a long time… I didn’t have it as bad as so many other women, so it doesn’t count, right? I would have nightmares about them coming back, I have trust issues, I am scared. But I need to take that back and help encourage this conversation. We need to support one another and make it safe.
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience domestic violence
- Every 20 minutes this happens
As a part of the healing process, I’ve partnered with Bead Bracelet Studio to help other victims of domestic violence. They’re an LA based company and their mission to raise both awareness and money for domestic abuse prevention. Every few months a new organization is selected to benefit. And money goes towards helping these victims.
Use the code: love for 20% off of your purchase, and 30% off 2 or more items with the code: goals.
I don’t receive a commission – I just want to help a good cause.
xo love kim