It’s New Year’s Eve, a time to reflect on the previous year and plan for the next. 2018 was a great year, and I’m ready to see the wonderful things that 2019 has in store.
I’ve been noticing a trend this year, where everyone seems to be picking out a “word” to bring them into the New Year. It’s better than the whole “new year new me” charade… And on the 11th hour, I’ve come to my word… But I’ll get to that.
First, some history:
There were three things that took place this year that made me realize that I might not be the person I really want to be. What I mean by that – is that I allow a lot of negativity into my life, and I love talking shit. It’s not the positive mantra that I want to encompass and I work really hard to not fall into the trap of shit talking, but it’s not always easy.
Here’s the thing about it – when you have a certain perception or disposition about something… and you find someone who agrees – there’s unity in that. And sometimes that’s not always positive. It feels good in the moment to have the solidarity, but grudging up hurts from the past isn’t helping anyone move on in the future. Honestly, that poison sticks with you and starts feeding on your moral fiber.
Kym Douglas talked about this poison in your heart when she went through her recent health scare. Holding on to the negativity spreads the disease.
Honestly, that shook me to the core. I’ve been holding on to so many things that aren’t doing anyone any favors.
Ugh – the list. Someone on my FB feed made a list of 100 things that make her happy. I was not in a great place.. but this list made me so angry. I sound like a terrible person – but stick with me… Sending a blast about how happy you are, and how great everything is in your life is honestly, self righteous. And annoying.
So, this led me to an exercise to try an expel my demons. I wrote a list of 100 things that make me angry. It was cathartic and I realized that I have a lot of things to get over. I mean, the list just flowed and I’ve been holding on to things for many years – it’s not healthy.
I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but I recently discovered I was called a “bully” – which, if you know me… doesn’t fit. This stemmed from a case of expectation vs. reality with a dash of perception. This poison spread throughout the family tree, and unfortunately, severed relationships.
I’ve spent countless hours being upset and angry over this. Silently crying for the past, which was a false reality. Things will never be as they were and they shouldn’t be… we need to march on.
All of these perceptions have led me stewing in my own low esteem, depression, and anxiety. I’m not who I want to be and life is too short to be someone else.
That’s why my 2019 word, as corny as it may be, is rebirth. In a dramatic – rising from ashes, phoenix way. I am rising up above the negativity and will be hustling my way.
What’s your word for 2019?
xo love kim