While I was out shopping the other day, I saw the big man himself: red velvet suit, white beard… I smiled and he waved. I wanted so badly to believe, but this year the magic of Christmas has escaped me. I’ve looked for the magic everywhere: in movies, the bottom of hot cocoa mugs, but I can’t find it.
Typically, this is my favorite time of year. I emerge myself into tradition but I tear up at the faintest memories of Christmas past. Don’t get me wrong I do believe in Christmas magic and miracles, but this year I’m writing Santa to say that I need one. (Full transparency, I was told at a very young age the truth – before you get outraged at my parents, they did it so I would sleep. I was so scared that some man was going to break into our house).
When I was younger, my only wish was to have Christmas with all of my family. I was told that would never happen, but last year I got my wish. It started out rocky, but as we started counting down the time, I did everything in my power to make it last. I wanted so badly to hold onto that because it was a gift and so special. I remember crying because I knew it would be the last time.
Maybe I’m disillusioned from all of the holiday movies I watch. Maybe Christmas like that doesn’t happen – but is it wrong to want that? To me, Christmas is about being together as a family and creating special memories and magic. I’ve been told I watch too many movies, because my expectation never meets reality. I suppose it wouldn’t make much of a blockbuster.
I probably sound bitter. I made a Christmas bucket list to get me in the spirit but we’re losing time. I guess, in the end, that’s my biggest fear: there just isn’t enough time.
So Santa – give me the gift of time and help me find the magic that I know exists. My heart is so sad, when I know it should be filled with sugar plums and candy.
Wish me luck.
xo love kim
